what i know

My writing prof at NYU said, „if you want to be a writer the 2 most important things you can do are, 1) write, write, write, and 2) write what you know.“ With a week like this one, I have been struggling to write. My head is a-jumble with too much stuff which I need to sort through and slot into past, present, future. All in all, it’s good stuff. But, it’s a lot. And so, today, with my self-imposed blogging deadline long gone, and knowing that I need to write, write, write, I channeled Oprah and asked myself, „what do I know for sure?“

Well, with about a hundred things knocking around in my head and heart, all vying for importance, but knowing that much of it isn’t important, what I know is that in this state I make mistakes. I don’t sleep well, I get frustrated easily, and I don’t pay close attention.

This became glaringly obvious yesterday, when I asked great guy if he had recieved the text which I had sent him in the morning. I had become very upset, yet again, with one of my current bosses, and instead of just standing there silently while he yelled at me for making a mistake, I actually stood up to him and responded. Anyways, I was so frustrated that I quickly sent great guy a text telling him that I almost quit and that I’m „no longer going to take this shit anymore“. Well, great guy didn’t get the text. I had sent it to said boss. Ooopsy.

The good news is that he was very nice to me for the rest of the day...and I didn’t get fired. Maybe that’s still coming, which I don’t even care about at this point, since I currently have too many jobs.

What I also know is that living with a lifetime smoker who has not smoked since Monday morning is a) totally amazing and I’m super-duper proud of him, and b) a little bit stressful. On the one hand, it’s so cute hearing him munching away on carrots and pistachios, like there’s a big bunny sitting in the kitchen, but on the other hand he’s a little bit grumpy. Okay, he’s very grumpy. Unfortunately, he is not yet feeling any positive effects of not-smoking...all the positives which I kept saying he would feel. Crap, they better come soon or else the bunny will soon be puffing again, instead of crunching.

And, I know that the coolest thing I have seen this week is a field full of swans, just outside of town, grazing on newly-growing salad. Yes, a FIELD full of swans. Have you ever seen a bunch of swans? I hadn’t. They are huge, beautiful, very white birds...and dotting a bright green field it looks completely amazing.

Life is good. Life is funny. Not always ha-ha funny, but funny all the same (as my old friend used to say). I know that I am grateful for most of the jumble that’s in my head...the opportunities and experiences and people that are creating it. And, I know that I am not alone in sorting it all out. It’s all good. And smoke-free!