Stories of this Canadian girl's adventures exploring Europe...join me!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

what i know

My writing prof at NYU said, „if you want to be a writer the 2 most important things you can do are, 1) write, write, write, and 2) write what you know.“ With a week like this one, I have been struggling to write. My head is a-jumble with too much stuff which I need to sort through and slot into past, present, future. All in all, it’s good stuff. But, it’s a lot. And so, today, with my self-imposed blogging deadline long gone, and knowing that I need to write, write, write, I channeled Oprah and asked myself, „what do I know for sure?“

Well, with about a hundred things knocking around in my head and heart, all vying for importance, but knowing that much of it isn’t important, what I know is that in this state I make mistakes. I don’t sleep well, I get frustrated easily, and I don’t pay close attention.

This became glaringly obvious yesterday, when I asked great guy if he had recieved the text which I had sent him in the morning. I had become very upset, yet again, with one of my current bosses, and instead of just standing there silently while he yelled at me for making a mistake, I actually stood up to him and responded. Anyways, I was so frustrated that I quickly sent great guy a text telling him that I almost quit and that I’m „no longer going to take this shit anymore“. Well, great guy didn’t get the text. I had sent it to said boss. Ooopsy.

The good news is that he was very nice to me for the rest of the day...and I didn’t get fired. Maybe that’s still coming, which I don’t even care about at this point, since I currently have too many jobs.

What I also know is that living with a lifetime smoker who has not smoked since Monday morning is a) totally amazing and I’m super-duper proud of him, and b) a little bit stressful. On the one hand, it’s so cute hearing him munching away on carrots and pistachios, like there’s a big bunny sitting in the kitchen, but on the other hand he’s a little bit grumpy. Okay, he’s very grumpy. Unfortunately, he is not yet feeling any positive effects of not-smoking...all the positives which I kept saying he would feel. Crap, they better come soon or else the bunny will soon be puffing again, instead of crunching.

And, I know that the coolest thing I have seen this week is a field full of swans, just outside of town, grazing on newly-growing salad. Yes, a FIELD full of swans. Have you ever seen a bunch of swans? I hadn’t. They are huge, beautiful, very white birds...and dotting a bright green field it looks completely amazing.

Life is good. Life is funny. Not always ha-ha funny, but funny all the same (as my old friend used to say). I know that I am grateful for most of the jumble that’s in my head...the opportunities and experiences and people that are creating it. And, I know that I am not alone in sorting it all out. It’s all good. And smoke-free!
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Thursday, March 8, 2012

hope is...

"Hope" is the thing with feathers—
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tune without the words—
And never stops—at all—

And sweetest—in the Gale—is heard—
And sore must be the storm—
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm—

I've heard it in the chillest land—
And on the strangest Sea—
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb—of Me.

-Emily Dickinson

Spring is coming. The Rhein is full and flowing. The geese and swans and ducks are abundant. When we see them assembling on our riverfront lawn to munch away the newly sprouting grass, great guy calls ‚gänse alarm!‘ (geese alarm) The birds in the trees zwitscher (tweet) like crazy each morning, like they’re really excited about the sunshine and warmer weather! The father’s fish pond has finally thawed, the waterlilies are coming up for air and even most of the fish survived. Slowly winter hats and coats are heading into storage. Tiny buds are busting out on the barren rosebush which I planted last summer. It’s still alive!

And great guy is now spending his weekends puttering around on his boat, hopeful to launch it into the water in the next month or so. Sitting at our favorite watering hole, on the water, for the first time this season, we hopefully planned boat trips for the summer…Croatia, Holland, Canada (I wish!).

On Saturday, I’m meeting up with a new group of hopefully, soon-to-be-friends and I’m excited. They are four dynamic, entrepreneurial women who I have met through Ms. Potter (she is one of them). They are full of business ideas and warmth and energy, and I am full of hope as I begin the process of joining their team.

Today I am hopeful. Maybe too hopeful? But, the sun is finally shining again after a long, long time of gray skies and dreary, cool weather. There are things which I am excited about and hopeful for…new adventures, first birthdays, cleaner living, simple and calm days ahead. Spring is hope.
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