the last schnitzel

With my wheat belly in tow we head out to dinner with great guy’s newly-returned familia – the father and maid marion from Spain, and the niece from the homeland (Canada). It’s schnitzel night, as the niece and I are calling it…and we are excited. Granted, a schnitzel is possibly the last thing next to, maybe, a big mac, that I should be eating, but who cares, it’s an occasion.

Spring has decided to take its sweet ol’ time getting here and the dreary, grey days are taking a toll on my inspiration, creation, motivation, communication…I feel like I’m in hibernation.

Even the tulips and crocuses, who leapt out of the earth basking in the warmth of January, have gone back to sleep. I can’t begin to believe that we’ll be seeing anything blooming until, maybe next year. All hope is gone.

Except that, as I am typing I can see on the riverbank across from ours, the knowing swans. Mama swan, like a very, very large…what is she as large as? She looks, honestly, like a very large white, feathered ham, nestled into her nest among the dull, leafless bushes. She is the only bright spot, literally and figuratively. If she’s nesting that must mean that at some point soon the sun will come out and it will get warmer and spring-ier. She gives me hope.

The last two months, I have been spending a lot of my evenings and weekends trying to write; but mostly I have been eating in frust. Personally, I like the sound of the German word for ‘frustration’ much better. I’m a frust eater. When I’m stressed or tired I eat. It comforts me or distracts me; I’m not exactly sure. All I know, that in those many moments I don’t much care that I’ll be wearing a bikini in two months…in public. If only, in those moments, I valued the ‘oh-sh…eibengleister-there-is-my-ex-thank-God-I-look-hot’ feeling!

So tonight, after one last schnitzel…, I will begin my day tomorrow with a new ‘spring’ in my step. I will force myself, with the determination of Lady T, to focus on; frischeluft tanken (tanking fresh air, preferably while jogging in it), energie tanken (more yoga, less schnitzel), and like the niece (who is currently battling a handkäs addiction), filling up on less-filling food. I guess I also need to ditch the frust…if only there were injections of sunshine I could order online.

Every child knows what springtime speaks: live, grow, bloom, hope, love, be happy and try new tries, give of yourself and fear life no more! – Hermann Hesse (translated in my own words)