The single
candle flickered in its red plastic holder. I lit a second one and handed great
guy his lighter, as I bent down to place this one next to the first. He lit
his and knelt down, opened the heavy metal door of the large permanent
candleholder, placed the candle inside and clicked the door back into place. He
stood up and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his brown cord jacket as I
slipped my hand underneath his arm. We stood silently gazing at the three dancing
lights; Margot, Karin, Danielle. The cool wind touched our faces as a mother
brushing a hair from her child’s cheek; the evening light fading, quiet except
for the wind gently pushing leaves to the ground or a bird. Totensonntag.
Waldfriedhof.
There are stars whose
radiance is visible on earth though they have long been extinct. There are
people whose brilliance continues to light the world though they are no longer
among the living. These lights are particularly bright when the night is dark.
-Hannah Seresh
In the days
that followed that Sunday of remembrance; thinking of those on the other side
of life, and leading up to the first advent Sunday, my mother was not far from
my mind.
My
relationship with her was filled with disappointment; full of yearning and hope
on my side and full of, what I can only guess were the effects of envy and
insecurity from her side. I have spent many darker moments trying to reconcile
words said into opportunities for growth or learning, or just understanding.
Still not sure how I’m doing with that. It is a difficult process turning off
the radio of hurtful things once heard by a meaningful person; words much
harder to forget than actions. But in the end, for our relationship has come to
an end, I do know that forgiveness is the only helpful path.
Kind words can
be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless…… We think
sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of
being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start
in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty. …..There is a terrible hunger
for love. We all experience that in our lives--the pain, the loneliness. We
must have the courage to recognize it. The poor you may have right in your own
family. Find them. Love them. -Mother Teresa
As much as
I wish and long for a visit from the ghost of Christmas past, I do know that
this longing I have needs to be redirected in order that the past doesn’t just
repeat itself.
Forgiving does not
erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead,
forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the
memory of our past into a hope for our future. -Lewis B. Smedes
In advent
we have the opportunity to change; to take a moment to recognize hope, to look
forward, morphing memories into hopeful action. And yet, that doesn’t
necessarily bring me comfort. We must be today,
not just focusing on the light that is coming around the corner. For, is that
not just an excuse for inaction? We must reconcile our past, their past, our
collective pasts; throw kindness around like confetti to all who are around us…and
those far away; and be active like bees. We shouldn’t be complacent in our
relationships with family, friends, partners, neighbours (and the one nearest
to me guilty of that is yours truly). We don’t know how much sand is left running
through our hour glass; there is no better time. So as I write, my advent wish
for you is to enjoy each other. Have fun. Love.
….An act of love
that fails is just as much a part of the divine life as an act of love that
succeeds, for love is measured by its own fullness, not by its reception. -Harold
Loukes
And if all else
fails, walk under the wrought iron words that grace the entrance to every
German cemetery, “What you are now, we were; what we are now, you will become”;
the little ditty often filling me with a cold dread. And after putting your
tweuro (the EU equivalent to the twoonie) into the candle vending machine,
light the small wick and spend a few moments watching a dancing light, smiling
good thoughts of someone you once knew and who you still love; regardless of
disappointment or satisfaction, words said or unsaid, good or bad. Forgive. This
is advent.
“The quality of mercy is not strain’d; It droppeth as
the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath. It is twice blest: it
blesseth him that gives and him that takes. -William Shakespeare; Merchant of Venice
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| The Christ Rose in front of our door, which bloomed on Friday. |
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