real life

Well, the ‘honeymoon’ phase is over now, and real-life is hitting me over the head like a 2x4. For reasons I did not expect, the language difference is really impacting me. I am missing the freedom, ease and comfort of being able to speak and understand everything…and I actually know German. I cannot imagine what it would be like to move somewhere where I don’t know the language at all.

When I moved from Alberta to Saskatchewan 3 years ago, right away, I got involved in a whole bunch of community activities; the library board, basketball, choir. It was easy and fun; asking questions, finding out information, getting to know people, creating a place for me in a new place. But here, I procrastinate every day, not wanting to speak to any strangers in my broken German. I am scared of sounding stupid, looking stupid, of not being able to express what I mean, of being misunderstood, and of not understanding. So, I haven’t really looked into getting a job. I haven’t really looked into taking conversation German classes. I haven’t really done much. And, I’m not feeling very good about that.

Basically, I have spent the past 6 weeks helping great guy make the new häuschen into a home ( it’s looking and feeling good), cooking, working out, writing and exploring a little bit. But, I really feel like I need to get ‘out there’ and get a life…a German life. I just don’t know what that should look like. What I do know, is that it won’t happen unless I try. I think I'll start tomorrow. Wish me luck.

autobahn

Recently, great guy forced me to drive. I think that he has been worrying, or I should say, I know that he has been worrying that I am going to get bored living in this place, without good friends, without a job, etc. So, he kept encouraging me to take the car and drive around; to explore the area. I always said that I would, but inside I was kind of nervous to drive here. Everything is much narrower, faster, and more crowded here. So, he had to force me…almost physically, to get behind the driver’s seat, and drive.

It all turned out to be fine; the many traffic circles, merging on to the autobahn, driving through the narrow streets…and listening to great guy’s constant demands of “shift, shift!”, “left, left!”, “give gas, give gas!” And now, I drive by myself.

Last night, I took the great truck, an old Land Rover, out shopping. The first thing I did was put in one of my favorite CD’s and cranked the stereo. Oh, to listen to my music again! (I have nothing against German radio, but playing some current tunes wouldn’t hurt.) So, there I was, cruising down the autobahn, singing along with Sugarland and eating Haribo gummi bears (a German delicacy). Fun.

And, after a few wrong turns (the signs whizz past really fast when you’re on the autobahn), but refusing to bring out tom tom, I found my way back ‘home’. Great guy’s ‘driveway’ isn’t really ‘normal’, but more of a vehicle’s endurance test, and in the truck it feels like you’re riding a big, galloping horse and all you have to do is hang on. So, over the potholes, under the bridge, up and down the twisting hill, narrowly avoiding the steep bank into the river, I zoomed up in front of the house…just missing rock ‘n roller, who was standing there, all black-leather-clad, in the dark – how was I supposed to see him?